Well, OfficeWarrior, I cannot personally relate to your situation but I can definitely empathize with it. I can, however, understand how it feels to be in a completely messed up situation and not really feel like there is any way out except to ENDURE until a more reasonable future presents itself. I am fortunate to be the female and have prevented the creation of younglings, but I have been divorced once and am for all intents and purposes single once again, so bear that in mind regarding any suggestions or input I can present. I often wonder if I self-sabotage with the mates I have picked.

At any rate, you seem to have a lot of insight on your situation but very little on OPTIONS. Granted, you make excellent points on the limitation of those as well. However, you mentioned a few things I think are important to note. You have mentioned she is prone to emotional breakdowns. She has mentioned and alluded to threats of self-harm and/or suicide as well as harm to your children. Have you ever considered calling the police for a mental evaluation during these times? Does she ever get hostile, dangerous, break things, etc? Does she ever do anything that could be construed as endangering the children, besides the verbalization of threats? Again, call the police. Call the psych ward. Get her committed. These are all things that would require her to be accountable for her actions, make a dang good case for you in the event of a divorce/separation/custody, and would give you more options than simple having to endure her for the next 15-20 years.

Also, I am troubled by your assumption that your leaving would prompt a,b,c and therefore, is not wise. As many have said, your children are receptive. They are young now, but you do not want them to grow up in a household where their role models for adulthood AND relationships are based on your incredibly disfunctional marriage. Am I right?? I feel that venting is GOOD and your acknwoledgement of the situation is GREAT but you need to take some accountability as well in the sense that your INACTION regarding this abhorrent relationship can still be just as detrimental as her negative actions. OBVIOUSLY you are a saint in supporting the family, putting up with her less-than-logical actions, and not abandoning your children. HOWEVER, I feel you do have options. You can't fix her, you can't change her mind, and you can't solve this by yourself. This is true. But you CAN do things for yourself. Women do not always win in court. Judges to not always side with the woman. DOCUMENT that you want couples therapy. TALK to a lawyer. Talk is free. Just get a feel for the situation. And, have you ever even TALKED about divorce/separation/custody. Do you know FOR sure, 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt that if it came down to it, she would WANT the children? As horrible a question as that is?