It's normal to bemoan one's situation when addiction takes center stage.

I cannot say, that I personally lashed out when my own mom had terminal, stage 3/4 Ovarian cancer. Her diagnosis actually occurred during a time in my life, that I'd already begun to renew my own faith. I don't, personally, find such an experience of watching a loved one pass, as an excuse for such described behavior.

Perhaps find a way to address such addiction, in your own life?