I relate to this. I find what I am attracted to I am ashamed of not as in the sense of I don't like them nor do I find what other people opinions bother me. It's just it's fear that I may not like them as much afterwards. So instead. I avoid relationships period. I don't date people, I embrace friends with benefits if the person is my close friend I've known for a while and is comfortable doing that, but usually this never happens so I also just be comfortable doing what I think is that, but it's just me either being intimate but not dating with or/and without sexual contact.

I would sometimes rather be connected through someone through intimacy without sex before having it. I do this in a way because my sexual fetishes may not be similar to there's if I find myself at my next deal breaker whether this person is worth my time or will bring me grief because we aren't alike.

Also I'm afraid of being alone, but more being not alone and losing someone I care about the most if everything goes right.

I don't put an emphasis on the priority of sex, because it gives me anxiety if I worry about it as much I would for intimacy or seeing if the person cared about.

This is why I don't like opening up to people or feeling like I should open up about it almost shaming myself, because I'm trying to keep the judgmental people out who assume I am just the guy who just wants sex and won't be a "great father" "husband" etc.

In reality, it doesn't matter, I don't want marriage nor children. I stay protected for sex and I know what makes me happy shouldn't concern anyone else except the person is close with me.

so like you I feel always uncomfortable about my sexual fetishes and orientation. Yes I want to be bisexual, I truly believe I may be, yes I had sex before with a guy, I think I am open to it, but I would feel more comfortable with women in relationship than men, but if I did do something with guys. It be me and some guy in a relationship, we are into each other we like each other, but we aren't ready to date each other probably won't or will. It can go either way same with women. Mainly because I want both.

I don't like living in a society I have to choose and go 100% all or nothing. It's very frustrating when I'm not ready to do all this stressful **** with someone when all I want is some simple hang out going to a skate park, swimming at a lake, riding bikes together, going on a dinner date fancy or not, or going to clubs or bars, working out together etc.

Seriously if I am in a place where I don't have to hide the fact yes I am attracted to men and want to be casual with men and women for now until I am ready for a long term relationship that be perfect, because I feel it's necessary for me to be happy with relationships and ease into it comfortably.

It's just hard to express that when other people see that as morally wrong, because I gotta date someone to have sex and living in a closed minded area where people have to be glued and welded to their man/woman like sloth.

I think it's that is what makes me sick about relationships. People expect too much too early. I don't care who. I don't care what we do, as long you aren't crazy and won't hurt me plus something I am attracted to sure lets do something. I don't feel ready for any relationship. Like I shouldn't have to date someone to do stuff with them. Seriously. That's the logic I hate the most from people. Makes me shut everyone out.