I'm sorry. I'm with you on the numbness thing. This episode has been going on since January and the mania crashed I think in June. The depression got severe in early August and 2 months (and one IP stay) later I'm maxed out on all my meds, cannot add another AD because I'm on an MAOI and you can't take other ADs with it, and can no longer imagine not feeling horrible. I've had one or two things improve minutely in the last 10 days since my dose of AD was raised but not enough to make me feel better for more than 1 minute and not enough to help me not want to sleep all the time. Sleep is the only thing that gets me away from feeling bad but I'm doing way too much of it. I don't even know if I'm sleeping because I'm so depressed (my guess) or if my usually very stimulating AD is having a paradoxical reaction for some reason and making me tired. I'm terrified that it's the depression and the AD isn't helping because changing is a huge can of worms and there's not much to change to anyway--no more ADs except other MAOIs and I can't afford them. I still haven't heard if they'd accept me for ECT and while I'll do that I just want the decision made and the process started. But I can't even tell what's going on in my own head.

So I'm sorry you feel so bad. I'm with you.