I am sorry to hear you have experienced that Isn't it unfair that our bodies work that way sometimes? And when you actually want to experience, it doesn't work... You are right that I feel really guilty/ashamed that I enjoyed it and that I gave my brother probably more reasons to do it. In some way I feel like I deserved it or something. I also think my brother doesn't even remember it or at least doesn't think it was something bad. He is dealing with his own problems (we had a very emotionally abusive father) and I don't want to make my mum more worried, so I think I am gonna see a psychologist and try to deal with it that way.

Did you get to accept what happened to you in the end?