You are SO not alone! You described me completely! I was insanely manic/psychotic this summer and I have recently crashed super hard and fast. I agree that I post a lot more and am more active on here when I'm depressed. Sleep is my escape too. I feel happy in my sleep. I never feel happy otherwise. And what you said that really resonated with me was how you don't know who you are...yes yes yes! I have no idea what my "normal" is...I'm always either manic or depressed. I don't know what it's like to feel even keel.