Hello, I thought my stomach was gonna explode yesterday morning so, I called in sick and went to the hospital, my next appointment was set on Monday, I didn't use ambulance for that but it was almost an emergency for me. I met this punk doctor from the first visit there, he mentioned smoking once, yes, I read a horror story of plastic surgeon and cigarette smoking and all I can say without lying about it is I've still got a pack of cigarette, I really shouldn't have bought it, Did my smoking that I cheated show in the blood test? Anyhow, this new antibiotics through IV tube is working, the pressure is relived and I really have to get better.

I already told my boss that I could do the job despite the pain, and I gave into myself, I was useless, not having able to move at all, and some of you may know that I'm usually alone in the workplace as a representative of the company I work for, so it wasn't easy for me to tell my boss on the phone that I needed next 5 days off all of the sudden, and as it turned out, the doc knew what he knows good, the surgery is almost not necessary. My remnant seems fine, the abdominal wall(cyst wall? idk..) was thicker than my first scan, man, it was painful.

I arrived at the hospital 10mins after the lunch break started, so I had to wait more than 2 hours because I wasted time when I left home. This whole pain and the work situation got me anxious, although I had this small tub of chewing gum for a substitute for my smoking habit, I went out to the shop and got me one packet with the pain.

I can see this IV medication is working, and believe it will continue to work. I'm just feeling the pressure to take responsibility for my life, to get better by Tuesday, this doesn't mean I can overhaul my personality and stuff at the same time, whether I'm in pain or not, I still find myself not doing well in public, I get somehow affected by the news on tv, and I'll be taking a bus again this morning to save some money.

I was still in lots of pain when I got back from my first drip in my system, I didn't know if it was gonna work, so I had to take care of some **** online, they are mostly about my spending, I don't like this myself but it's still happening, one company notified me through email that I was forgetting to pay, I lost the bill so with some additional charge, they are reissuing it for me. Rent money, I gotta move it around between two bank accounts, this is another added pressure.

I don't usually get a break from work like this, it's almost unthinkable, it's a territory I normally chose not to go at any cost. What I do and think has to prepare myself for that kinda set backs in life, but with what's been going on, it is easier said than done.

By the way, when the IV drip was suggested, the doc said it with 'hospital stay' !!

Sure, I said that I was gonna take a break from work, as long as I needed to recuperate, I was in so much pain, but I had to ask, can I stay being a outpatient? He agreed. I declined all the offer for the wheel chair while I was 'snailing' to other parts of the hospital for the tests, I hope I'm not being too difficult.

If I keep a distance, everything(my mind) is fine, it maybe idiotic/stubborn, a little danger to myself? When I visit the hospital, I spend large amount of time in the front yard's bench, it was almost raining but I stayed there yesterday. Saw couple of caterpillars, moving so slow, they gonna soon change into these beautiful things, I notice different dances among different species, I even saw a courting dance the other day, me, being earth crawling 'hairy' caterpillar is fine. Brighter the better, I'm not savory so ppl can stay away.

What am I gonna wear today? My waist might still be bigger but I want to go back to slim pants if I can. And I'll be keeping this longer than stubble thing on my face till Tuesday. This outlook got a toddler's attention on the second or the third hospital visit, they stare at me, and this was not the first time that happened. I have a little confession to make. Like a decade ago, this little kid was studing my face intently at a super market isle, so I gave him a scary face and made him cry. I still remember to this day, I just turn around and walked the other way, of course the kid went to his mom for help, I suppose she didn't understand what was going on, which is nothing. The little creature should've left me alone. I just still feel bad about that, kids are just too curious, talking to a stranger like it is no problem is also a curiosity gone wrong? I been doing okay with that though.

People just don't listen, I did this to my doc yesterday, he was gone give me this new antibiotics so he had to ask me to stop taking one pill. Then I replyed "all of them"? I saw his annoyance, my mind was so frucked up from not eating and being in pain, NSAID pills weren't working at all, I still don't know if they are good for me. Every man made chemical pills has side effects right? I just couldn't phrase the right question, I bet he still thinks I'm pretty stupid.

Back to the toddler incident, not the one I was talking about, I met another one, stopped right in front of me while I was waiting my turn in the waiting room. I couldn't take any more visual inputs there so I was wearing sunglasses indoor, looking down and trying to see less of my surroundings. IT wanted someting, so it extended its little hand, I extended mine to touch it, I tried to smile without removing the shades.

hmm,,,I don't know what I'm thinking today, It feels definitely I'm getting back to normal, thinking one way for a day and the following day, I might be unhappy. Am I happier than this turtule outside of the window that lives longer than me? They do hibernate, reproduce like other human beings, the world around me is always there as they are, I'm not seeing a doctor today, I'll be getting only IV drip and I'm almost late! They haven't told me what I exactly got.

Looks like I'm biking to the hospital today, there's no more bus, it's too late, and I still need to get cleaned up and change the dressing... And I got no plan after that, I'm already bored!

I'm procrastinating big time so I'll just send and go. Was good to hear from all of yous.