Thanks. I know i sounded awful. It's not her fault. It's mine . She did try to get me to understand her points. I wish I would not been in denial for so long . I wasn't nearly as educated on adhd until a lil while back. After i discovered that there wasn't a magical pill that would fix my issues for me and make my marriage the one I had in the beginning when I was hyperfocused on her. She has tried alot more than igave her credit . My inability to communicate was a big issue. Instead of going to her I avoided her ,hoping she would come to me.
Then when she did I got defensive. I lied to her to cover my shame, to abate consequences, and try to make myself look better than i really am. I did try at times but when I didn't get the results I expected I would shut down. Until now i didn't know why i did those things. Over the years I developed ways to protect myself (subconsciously). She is my wife and I should have been more receptive to her observations. But I wasn't and now i really see why and what led to our seperation. It wasn't my ADD.....it was my behaviors. I accept that now. I have taken responsibility for my actions not to blame others . especially the ones that love me. Many people have gotten control of their disorder. I know it's a hard road but with meds and therapy I will succeed. She is the love of my life and will always be. I only wish she was here to help be my accountability partner. I start therapy councelling very soon. Which is another thing I've been avoiding. But to get a handle on my issue is has to be done. You know...procastination.
I am not looking for someone else to be there for me.I am looking and praying that my wife sees i am working hard to get a grip on it. I don't know if she will but I still have to try. I do love her very much and if it takes forever to get me right and be with the person i hyperfocused on at the beginning I'll do it.
Thanks again linda071, I wish you luck and my prayers for you.