I am far enough in my recovery that I don't have nightmares as much as I used to. The worst ones were sleep paralysis nightmares. I remember one where a masked executioner was standing over me with a large axe. I managed to force myself to wake up before the axe actually fell, but I flew out of bed and crashed into a wall so hard I bloodied my nose.

A frequent reoccurring nightmare I would be in a large house and I was looking for someone - usually my husband - and I couldn't find them. I would go into a full out panic attack and sometimes screamed in my sleep.

Another one that really got to me was being in some sort of building and trying to find my way out. I would turn a corner and find myself face to face with my mother (my abuser) and scream in my sleep.

Eventually, I began to recognize the warning sign that I was about to have a nightmare. There would be this loud 'thunking' sound in my head, like a giant iron gate slamming down. It took some effort, but if that happened, I would force myself awake, get up and go sit in the livingroom, and calm myself before I attempted to go back to sleep.

We all have different ways of coping, and unfortunately, it's up to each of us to find our own way. It's not easy, but determination pays off. It always does.

WW