Quote:
Originally Posted by CyborgGirl001
I see. That sounds complex. Well, I still would not know anything about relationships but expectations can be quite vexing. I think a lot of fears can happen too that can make things even more complicated. I guess it is also hard to get a balance of being extroverted and introverted as you said, especially when you feel you need to shut others out. That is understandable because it is like a protective mechanism and taking caution. I shut out others often because I feel no one can understand a thing...but then again...I do not expect anyone to understand at all. I do not even know why I even post anymore to be honest...it is not like I even like opening up, even if it is just me typing words on a computer screen. I guess I made posts just to rant or for a small bit of hope that I was trained to have in school...but I am not seeing it anymore. I think I will just stop altogether. I just do not feel like it anymore. Who cares what I have to say? Who cares? And I do not even care anymore. I guess I typed this whole time to make up for the lack of emotion I have naturally. Thinking that it would make me feel something. But I do say, I think the words are holding a lot more then what is actually going on inside me. It is just blank...and I guess it always have been. I think finding answers to anything or figuring anything out at this point will definitely not be found by doing this. I just feel like an empty algorithm on a computer program plugging in sequences of letters and code to make sentences...nothing being felt anymore. Maybe I just tried to lie and "feel" to be normal. Well, I will not be doing that anymore. What do I have to even be considered "normal"? Nothing. Well, even if I do recover I do not think forcing myself to comply a certain way will help. Even this is not making any sense but well...this will be the last of my posts most likely.
|
Well I wish you the best of luck, but I do want to say. I'm some guy on the internet whether my opinion matters or not. You matter somewhere in your world in your head, you focus on you the way you do because you care about yourself because you matter.
Whether everyone's opinions coerce and force you to live a certain way and you know deep down you don't belong there. Do what I do, don't do it. I use it as an opportunity to troll and do the opposite as intended not be disrespectful manner, but lay down your line that this is mine and no one can own what is me.
I say this all the time all my life, because I was ostracized and that I do feel that being very lonely for not just being different, but being unloved for that manner because of being different.
It's just that like my therapist said, and I hated him so much, but he was right, and I do this in a way that suits me best as you might choose to do the same for yourself. Love yourself as your own best friend over anyone else.
Sadly when you do this, you become humbled how not alone you are, but then again like me I realize I'm alone, because all these sad, hurt people are everywhere, but they don't want to give to help others, because they do not have the courage or strength or knowledge how to give and love others. I'm not saying being a people pleaser at all, quite the opposite my words are a gift. The emotions are tied to real feelings interpreted into these words I type here.
I felt hurt and more on the outside, because I relate to the words you say, I want to say, before you delete your account and go on whatever you may choose in life that's best for you. Read my previous posts. Just read them which ever ones you like or that suit you the most, but afterwards you may private message me what you find that may help you.
Right now I'm in your shoes, and all I care about now is giving. Even though my best friend died one of my closest friends. It's brought to light how I just want to make others happy or help them the best I can.
Thank you. I hope this helps. I wish you the best.