Let me preface this with a big hug and letting you know that my heart goes out to you. As Cheryl Crow said, the first cut is the deepest. Our first love is almost always the most scarring and the most remembered. It's the first...there is nothing else to get a baseline for how we should feel, how things should go, etc. It is one of the hardest learning experiences you will ever have. However, it will soften with time and in retrospect, it will simply be a stepping stone to wherever you finally call home.

Now for the tough love.... You are better off without him, Honey. Whether he was simply using you or he is unsure of his sexual identity, there isn't anything you can do about it. That is one of the hardest realizations we have in life: the true understanding that the only person we can control is ourselves. He is obviously not ready for a relationship with you, even if he does truly want it. It honestly sounds like he has a lot of introspection to do and self work before he can be ready for anyone, male or female. I have no doubt that you are hurting and wish I had some sort of majick words to take it away, but I don't. And, while it may not be much of a comfort, understand that you are not alone in this situation. You are hurting, he is obviously hurting (whether he sees it or not), and he is choosing to hurt others in his life as well. Just think of the poor girl he is with now...what happens if he does choose to marry her?? The facade will only last so long and what then? Kids, a house, jobs, cars.... it could get very messy. As hard as it may be, consider it a blessing that you found out now rather than years from now after much more was invested in the relationship. Learn from the experience and grow from it, but do not let it harden your heart or scare you away from seeking a healthy rewarding relationship. No one deserves to have that much control over you.

Now...big hugs, dry the tears and get determined... As my grandmother would say... It's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps!

~Seanachai~