i FINALLY have gotten to the point where i know who i am....but when i am struggling with certain things, dissociating more, etc. i end up forgetting who this me is. i think when i used to try to explain that in the past, it was just looked at like the normal way a person is trying to figure out who they are or that it was related to the diagnosis i have of borderline personality disorder (still don't agree with it). so, trying to explain what i mean when i do not know who i am at times just goes over people's head.

it's like i am me and more me sometimes (compared to years ago), and then other times i kind of dissolve and/or pieces of me start to break off (maybe they are never 100% glued on to me to start with?).

it's like a hurricane inside sometimes when i'm dissociating more and losing track of who i am among all the other ones...even if i do not know who or what it is with me in there, it's still like flying debris, images, feelings, thoughts, etc., and i have to keep dodging it all or trying to while trying to still keep track of me. it's so confusing.

even though i have figured out who i am when things are okay and calmer, i still don't have life goals or anything like that because it's just not something that has been possible for whatever reason. i have no real concept of the future/what to do goal wise, etc. except the fact i know it will come at some point (which kind of is terrifying). so many confusing things.