Why don't you pursue your dream job? Really, when you're not afraid of death, that's when living opens up new doors. You're free, man. I think what's wrong is you're trying to conform yourself to the life other people expect you to lead, as opposed to the life you want to lead. A common thing people do when finding what they want out of life is they think of what they enjoy most. If cars, be a mechanic. If computers, be a programmer. If games, be a developer. Think of what you like most, and do it. What do you have to lose? Live for yourself. Separate yourself from your worldy possessions. You don't need all the material things you think you do. I know a chick who lived in a car for about a year, because she had no home - or anything else, for that matter. All your clothes? How much do you actually wear? All your tables, lamps? How many do you use? Minimize your items. Separate yourself from your belongs. In a case of debt, selling those things could only help.

I dunno. I can only hope all that would help. I really hope it gets better for you.