I was one of eight children. My brother molested me also. I was 8 years old. Both my brothers molested all 6 of us girls. We grew up on a farm. Oddly enough when my brother died 16 years ago I cried behind the casket as they wheeled him out of the church. Don't beat yourself up over this. Life happens at a very young age to innocent people. You are not to blame. Your hormones were feeling joys that in your confusion you did not understand. Ask God to remove the self shame and distrust to others. Believe it or not boys get raped too. And more then they will ever admit. I am a survivor of incest, emotional abuse. Women all over the world almost all of us have suffered with incest and sexual abuse. We are sisters in the sisterhood for a reason. Any time you want to talk to me you feel free. Hugs and God loves you just as you are. He does not blame us for being victims or the confusion caused by it.