After these 2 years I had a "crisis" where I would just run out of things to do, as I would not go out, I would wake up, go back to bed, and wait, and that lasted a few weeks, after that something happened, and I don't know what, almost like I had lost a part of me. Afterwards, (and that was 2 years ago from now) I started going back to "school", and it was hard but I re-adapted, but I never managed to make durable friendships, or relationships.

This feelings, that I can't quite put my finger on, that has been happening for 1.5 years or very well 2 weeks. A feeling I can't describe, that I don't understand, it doesn't sit well with me. A feeling of distress, it's a mix of Deep hatred and anger, confusion, I feel like crying out, but can't cry, and I haven't cried since my father died, and haven't managed to cry since.
Like I said I never managed to forge durable friendships, I can't care about anyone, I can't love anyone, it's like I hate everyone.

I'm not depressed, or I've been depressed so long it's a part of me now, and that bothers me, It's like I'm broken and unrepairable, no therapist has been able to "fix"/help me, no medication (that I've stopped taking since a month ago, by the way, but before that I was on Xeroquel). I struggle to develop social links, to get close to people, for some strange reason.