Hi Blush. Im so sorry you're going through this. I can relate to a lot of what you have said. For me, my issues stem from dissociation, depersonalisation, derealisim etc - and therapy is helping me work out what and why. Theres no quick fix unfortunately, its going to take a while, but its well worth persevering. I definitely recommend finding a T to talk to. Try to find a T you have a connection with - that you like. Don't pay too much attention to labels like their methodology! Also, try reading up on dissociation - see if this is something you can relate to?