I still miss my T and it will soon be one year since I was terminated. I find myself imagine situations where I talk to her and wanting to tell her about things that happen in my life.

I visualize her office and sometimes her and how we sat talking to each other. It´s so deeply sad. I don´t cry as often or much but I think of her every day. When I do very ordinary stuff like washing, doing the dishes and so on I sometimes try to imagine how my T does such things.

I checked her up today and saw she still lives at the same address and that she still lives by her own. That makes me think like "what if she feels a bit lonely, perhaps she would want to live with someone" even if I of course don´t know such details about her.

I know it´s partly harmful that it has become this way, I sometimes think like my life won´t be the same without her but at the same time I know it´s just not logical to think that. I try to think she was only my T and even if I´d continued in therapy I had seen her just once a week.

But it´s hard and I still struggle, I often wonder if she thinks about me and how she would react if I´d contacted her. At the same time I think it´s not healthy to be that attached to a T as I was/am but I think I´ll wonder for a very long time about this.

It´s like mourning a relative or a person who I felt close to in real life.