Oh, I feel that way to some degree or another just about every day. But jealousy comes with it for me. I look around every day at a thousand apparently happy, materially and spiritually fulfilled lives and it's as though a voice is saying "no, you jerk, these things aren't for YOU."

I live in a smallish, conservative city in which everyone all seems to be on the same page.... except for me. I'm isolated, alienated, discouraged. From a very young age something inside me told me I'd never have the things that mattered -- a family, a house, a place in the community, etc. And what do you know, I was right.

I try to blow it all off, tell myself that my life is my own to live as I see fit, and to hell with everyone else. But the feeling of being left out gnaws at me to the core.