Hey, People:

I am a newbie and this is my first post of the depression section of PC forums. I hope to learn and share my experience.

I was wondering if there was such a thing as depression mixed with elements of psychosis. Let me explain.

A psychotic depression results from trying to rationalize the extreme nature of the experience. In my case, it felt like I had descended into a living hell where I was being punished by God. Rather than associate it with a biological cause, it felt like it was a spiritual torment. When I would sign my name it was like it wasnt me- a total breakdown of identity. Thoughts of death tormented me and cigarettes and coffee were my only comfort.

What made it worse is after 10 months of agony and fear I would awake for it all to be gone. My first laugh in moths was like a sigh of relief.
Then I would think that the curse had been lifted and I had passed some initiation from God and "he" would never let it return again. I was so wrong about the nature and cause of this ailment. It was only bad reasoning.

The problem with this thinking is you dont believe there is any scientific answers or help. In the movies, when a curse is lifted it never returns, but, of course, it wasnt a curse.

Thanks