Oh my gosh, I feel so badly for you! You got terrible advice about how to taper down from Effexor.

As far as medications to help you with the side effects, Vistaril (hydroxyzine pamoate) can be helpful or anti-motion sickness medication that you buy over the counter. Sedating antihistamines like diphenhydramine can also help the zaps (it can leave you feeling like a zombie, though.)

Yes to the weakness and tingling in your arms and fingers. I've also had tingling in my lips before.

Are you taking any other antidepressants now? Usually if you start another antidepressant, especially an SSRI or SNRI, it will make the zaps go away more quickly.

You're absolutely not being a whiner. The withdrawal can make you feel weak and generally sick for weeks and not being able to eat enough calories just makes it worse. I can recommend foods like smoothies, applesauce, kefir, and yogurt as being the easiest to tolerate.

Please post more here if you need advice or reassurance.