I was dxed many years ago but never accepted it or to be truthful never thought about it at all ... when I was in my twenties I used to fly very very high, but I never saw it as a bad thing, just had energy and felt happy, I was heavy into religion and chalked it up to that, "filled with spirit and all that rot", but then as I aged my mood slowly dropped down into depression .. as my gp says I was just a "blue" person, ...

three years ago I had a triggering event at work and my whole world exploded ... all my self confidence went bye bye, my stress went thru the roof till I was almost afraid to go to work every day, .... work was my whole life, my whole idenity... so I collapsed ... my gp refered me to a pdoc ... she immediately put me on lexpro (ad), over three weeks she increased the dose three times as I complained it was not working ... then she left the country for a month. ...

by the time she returned I had been inpatient, my work called the police and had me picked up and taken to a psych evaluation, thus the ip,.. I never saw her
again ...

I was dxed by my current pdoc ip as bp(nos) ... and put on meds ... later after my work threated to fire me if I did not do better we changed my current meds... which brought me back from months of sui ... was dx bpII then, ... two years into this after yelling at my pdoc because he could not tell me when or if I was ever manic ... he said "I was not myself ip" and told me in no uncertain terms I was bp1... we were screaming at each other ...

Now I lost belief in him, felt he was lying to protect his dx ... so I stopped my ap... months later had a very bad night of racing and scared the hell out of me ... we upped lamictal and it helped ... began to trust him again ... slowly got back to my old self ... pre work collapse self ... he apologized to me and we have been cool ever since ...

so yes my ip was med caused I am sure,, whether bp or not I was very screwed up before that... the mood drugs have really helped ... I am 95% depression but if I am honest I probably am bp but now he calls me "on the spectrum", I have to admit I am better (stable) ,no rage,no paranoia, no danger to myself than I have been in years ... so my day mind says ok I don't like this dx but quess I am ... my night mind ... IDK ...

ps: I guess I could be depressed and an anxiety issue ... since I have been on depakote then lamictal my emotions and moods have been really flat .... no ups and almost no lows ... as I see it ... now those that have read my posts may disagree with that .... my view of myself and my actions may not be based in reality ....

I really do feel my brain is damaged ....