I started SH as a preschooler and am almost 50 now. Lots more than cutting. These days, I think about it but don't always do it b/c I don't want to let my T down. I plan it out in such graphic detail that it's 'almost' good enough. I dont deserve the relief of the true thing anyway. sometimes tho, I must do it when I'm not aware of doing so, b/c I find injuries of the type I"d normally do but have no memory of doing them. FML