I also haven't suffered as much as many others here. But don't forget, when your meds are working it's easy to forget how wild things were in the past. When your meds are working it's easy to feel like you imagined everything and it's tempting to quit taking this one or that one.

I've had one pdoc tell me BP NOS and another tell me BPD. It's easy to get caught up in the labels with all the info on the internet but in the end we know our moods are not right, our behavior is not ok and we need treatment.

I agree with Christina, the ruminating makes things worse. If the Xanax helps, take it and know the moment will pass.