Hi, i recognize myself as BPD but i havent been diagnosed , anyway, thats not the point. A friend of mine who has disability because of bpd has been feeling awful lately and today just came back at the course we're both attending afer a week at home being taken care by professionals and full meds.

I feel too much for her. I mean i feel her pain as if it was mine.
I feel bad for her.
I would like to be able to say i feel like that too but i need to keep my pain hidden.
I envy her.
I love her. Kind of in love with her... I'm female, not sure of my sexual idenitity...
I would like to help her.
She keeps me at distance and i respected that.
She scares me because i dont know what triggered her and afraid of talking to her now.
Dont want to disturb her.
Dont want to show her i dont care because i do.
Dont want to hurt myself getting close to her.
She attracts me and scarse me away.

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS AND WITH HER?

we've met at the course. There was an instant bond but saw each other outside the course only once and just texted each other a few times. Not sure we're even friends... Anyway, now i think her illness is too much for me and i decided to stay away, for me, and shut down my heart but still show her i care in the littlest ways i can, because i really do.

What would help her?
What would help me?

I have too many hurting contrasting feelings about her and i cant just avoid her because we have to attend this course together until the end of the month. Going to class every day and seeing her is SO distressing... When i myself am in a fragile moment of my life since i'm planning my suicide. I know i should think it will all be over soon so i shouldnt care but meanwhile its just SO HARD.

PLEASE HELP ME!
HAVE NO IDEA ON HOW TO DEAL, HANDLE, MANAGE THIS
IN THE BEST WAY FOR HER AND FOR ME.

PLEASE HELP HELP HELP!!!