Raceka I have struggled SOOOOOO much with my feelings for, and my dependency on, my T.I have felt I was crazy. I also felt tormented that I could never have T as my love or my father (or both). It just broke my heart. The more I read the more I have learnt one thing: the greater the trauma you've undergone, especially before age 18, the more intense the transference is going to be. I am not all the way through it yet myself but I can tell you it IS becoming easier finally as I simply realize that my T is not going anywhere (unless something unforeseen occurs) and that the potential for your growth, even your blossoming, is just tremendous if you can stick it out week after week. But you have to talk to him about it, over and over again. Talk to people anywhere (like here) who have some knowledge of what transference can be like. Don't isolate in yourself with all those intense feelings. There is no need to because as I have found out... you'r so not alone in your experience!