I use to abuse alcohol in my younger years as well, over 30 years ago. I went to AA meetings. I know what you mean wanting someone to help you with guidance. You are willing but need direction. You are blessed to have a T, i do not which is very difficult for me. Before it was my high level job and profession. Now it is my pride and poverty income. I have also had stuff resurface like a flood. Be loving to yourself. Just ask your higher power to take care of you and give him all your problems to work out for you. Then believe he is working everything out in your best interest. That is what i do and it is working for me so far. When i am frustrated i use to take a gun and do target practice. now i take rocks and smash bottles or rip up cardboard boxes. it gets the frustrations out. hugs... it will get better one day at a time. i no longer go to AA, i use my friends as my network to vent, talk to, laugh, share our goofiness with each other. and we all know we are on the same page. it is good.