i can hide my pain and still help her. everybody has their own pain and still are able to help others. why couldnt i do it too?

i just dont know how. it seems she wants to be alone, but then comes to me and hugs me. she doesnt want to talk and doesnt answer my texts, but what can i do then? just hug her when she needs it? and when she isnt there? i see she too is conflicted between the impulse of asking for help and hiding away.

maybe i would like to save her and i know i cant and its wrong even thinking it but you know.... sometimes you just feel something, even if you know its wrong. i just feel like i really could help her....

but then not knowing what triggered her makes me feel scared of her and afraid of saying even just one wrong word and hurt her somehow.

and again, not knowing what the problem is and was scares me away so i feel like running to her and help her but she wont talk, and i feel like running away from her and protect myself from her and from my own feelings too but it goes against what i feel.

i probably should just stay away, but we have to see each other every day at the course and she is like a magnet to my eyes and my heart. should i just ignore her? but, let alone that i dont feel able to do that, would it help her? and going against what i feel (i feel i do not want to ignore her) would really help me too?

its SO CONFUSING.

is her and mine typical thoughts/feelings/behavior of BPD or is it something else or just plain nomal for people? people confuse me so much.

Thanks, i appreciate and value any opinion on this. i feel so lost and torn.