Thanks AC2 and Georgia - *really* appreciate the support.

*sigh* a Friend I haven't seen since January was in my town for once, and suggested we meet for a pint. We went to the only pub I feel comfortable in - a very small, family friendly place. Whilst there a guy I haven't seen for over a year turned up. He offered me a smoke outside (weed). I do smoke a LOT of weed, and jumped at the chance as I had just run out! I was trying really hard to take it easy though - I was determined this time I would not embarrass myself (I ALWAYS embarrass myself somehow, and tend not to leave the house ever because of it).

Anyways, he warned me it was strong, but like I say, I can handle myself with that stuff. Or so I thought. I only had a teeny tiny smoke, I was trying to be sensible and wanted to go back have a sensible grown up chat with my friend. But this stuff was the strongest stuff I've ever had. within minutes of returning to a pub, I threw a total massive whitey (I hope you have that terminology in the US!). I was so ill. I couldn't move, I couldn't see, hear, or do anything. It got worse and worse and then to top it off the mother of all flashbacks came on. My friends were trying to look after me and all I could do was say 'don't touch me' - I couldn't get any other words out. Then I started to feel sick, and so they grabbed a bottle bin and I vomited my guts up - right there, in the middle of the pub, surrounded by nice families and playing children. Obviously the pub owners were pissed off and came over and kicked all three of us out the pub - but I couldn't do anything other than sit there almost foetal and puking. Eventually it stopped and one friend had to clean up my sick whilst the other friend walked me to the taxi rank so i could get home.

Im so embarrassed. Im only just starting to make an effort in going out and making friends - this pub was one of the few places I felt able to go to on my own. These friends I hadn't seen for so long, I was so hoping would go on to become 'proper' friends, people I could actually have a social life with. Now I just want to hide and never come out ever again.