The Symbyax was put to the test today, in a way, after me being on it for about a month. And by test I just mean, seeing how it affects my emotions/mood under pressure.

I have a lot of social anxiety, plus some BPD tendencies in the mix (very reactive, intense/sudden emotion, easily embarrassed/paranoid, etc).

I was out on a walk, running an errand, and an SUV went by. From the rear side window, some hooligan who couldn't have been more than 25 leaned out the window and screamed, "HOLY **** YOU'RE UGLY" as the vehicle passed me by.

I'm pretty sure that normally, something like that would have been experienced by me as though I had just been shot in the chest, stunned and startled in a very painful way, and then an intense, jittery upset feeling that would have taken the better part of an hour to fully go away. I also probably would have concluded that I must really be very ugly and then not want to leave the house for days.

But instead it was like the whole experience was muffled at first. I felt nothing, thought nothing. My mind took a long moment to simply process what had just happened, as it was so odd. The sunny, hazy feeling around my mind that I normally don't notice, I noticed it only because it seemed to be tested, and held itself steady. I felt a small pinch of disgust towards the idea that someone's idea of funny would be to shout mean things at strangers, but even that small pinch quickly faded.

I honestly kept expecting to feel something more, to feel upset, anxious or embarrassed or just something negative. But nothing came, and I just kept walking along. And then instead of drifting to thoughts of how ugly I must be, my mind drifted to thoughts of the couple of manic sex adventures I'd had earlier in the year, and how both of the guys had seemed to find my attractive, and both wanted to see me again for more. My mind concluded that I'm not a bombshell by any means, but I'm definitely not hideous. And that was that.

So I've gotta say so far I give Symbyax an A+ for my anxiety issues. I would never have even imagined being able to stay so calm and rational after being yelled at by a stranger like that, prior to being on this med. It feels like I have some sort of emotional super shield or something.