I HATE to admit this (out loud)...... but I think my sadness in this area is only compounded by the inner thoughts I have that he, my husband, does not really love me any more or that he would prefer some one younger & sexier than I am, hence why I get so hurt when rejected over sex.

These FEARS are not unfounded, for I once had to compete with what his eyes saw then lusted over in his mind and in the end fulfilled with his body - for ten long years - now I cannot seem to escape the wound / doubts those years placed in me.

I HATE than someone I was supposed to be able to TRUST did this do me, created such a horror in me.
... and yes, I know this was more about him and his issue and not me, but it still hurts.

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Here is a poem I wrote on the issue of this in my life.

WHY SHE CRIES.................... ?

She so NEEDS to be found BEAUTIFUL in the EYES of her LOVE -

When the two become one inter twined together in passion a high chemical release erupts an emotion within her that forms the most BEAUTIFUL feeling she has ever experienced. She longs for her Physical Beauty to go unmatched by the Inner emotional Beauty she has been given by her LOVER.

Yet she FEARS - for but once again deep despair has gripped her heart her soul, for she now believes she will never compare to the fair maidens that catch his eyes, taking with them a fraction of his desire with each look.

Lost and Left she feels as though they will replace her, for they give to him something she no longer can... Beauty - Sensual Pleasure - Affirmation.

Real or not she believes it to be, thinks it to be about the LOOK - a look that is no longer hers to have. Womanhood has failed her in the EYES of her LOVER – He is MAN.

Rhapsody –

My feelings from the past, wounds that are becoming ever so small with time.

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I so desperately want to conquer these feelings that have me bound to FEAR.

....... but how?