almedafan, not that I am one to offer advice, what with my failed marriage and all, but I do know that communication can be a big problem between spouses and lead to big problems over seemingly trivial issues. When my husband and I went to couples counseling, a focus was on improving communication. This would have helped us a decade ago (possibly when the marriage could have been saved), but certainly helps us now too, as we move through divorce. Could you go to counseling with your husband if it wasn't called "counseling"? Could you go to "problem-solving" or "communication improvement" instruction with your husband? Maybe it the "counseling" is framed like that, it won't seem so intimidating to your husband. Most people would like to be better communicators, especially with their spouse.

My T says once the communication problems are solved, then you can see if you still want to be married or not. If you do choose divorce, at least you are choosing it for a legitimate reason rather than just a problem with how to talk to each other that is fixable with some professional help.

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Last session, I was hyper and well happy but I remember T saying to me that he thinks I would be angry no matter who I am with. I'm guessing because of my issues with my dad and men in general.

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I think that's interesting. Does your T propose a solution? Like doing deep work in therapy to resolve your issues with your father? It can be very empowering to have a direction to take in therapy that may resolve problems.

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When is it okay for me to be angry? Does any of the above make it okay?

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I think that is a fantastic question.

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I guess I've convinced myself that I can't leave this marriage because of our son.

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I guess you have to weigh the pros and the cons. I probably should have gotten divorced a decade ago, if I was only concerned with my personal happiness. However, it has been good for my kids, in some ways, to be part of a two parent family and have their dad around. It's not an easy decision, that's for sure. Could you and your therapist work on this question in therapy? It is a tough problem to sort through and a professional can really help.

I agree with what others have written, that your husband should not be contacting your T or pdoc's office about your treatment or bill. That is for you to do. Instruct office staff to talk only with you, not family members.

The note in your wallet? Pffftt. Just tell husband you're not a child and not stupid and you don't appreciate being treated like that.

almedafan, I hope you can work on the marriage issues in therapy (either by yourself or with your partner). These are not easy things to sort through. I am glad you have a family therapist for help.

(((Hugs)))