Oh Waggie. My heart breaks for you too. Are you getting help to halt the slide into chaos? You are symptomatic on so many levels that I truly hope the answer is yes. I know that money is very tight. I don't do 12 step programs b/c I'm lazy, but one advantage is they are usually are free.

Or PM me. I'm also an old-timer; battling ED for 35 years. Not to say it is always the same level of horrific. There are ups & downs. Most recent inpatient stay was 2011 and I had 1 med hosp b/c of my bulimia. Still, I'm much better than I was 4 yrs ago.