First off, got a few pm and vm messages I need to respond to (and in that I apologise for not doing so sooner).

Sometimes I'm unsure if the depression forum is always the right place for me to post as though it's one of my dx, it's one I've got more of a handle on. With that said, when it comes to posting threads this area was where I started and feel more comfortable sharing.

Just as things started to feel like they were levelling out (or at least improving), several spanners lodged themselves in the works during the past few weeks and I unraveled ; overwhelm is a female dog.

Last Wednesday, things just went from crap to worse and though I certainly was not intending to contradict my psychiatric nurse's view that I'd be fine re one specific event... I wasn't and am not dealing with one event (my occupational therapist and crisis team have since gently scolded me for trying to sprint when it comes to rebuilding my fortitude before I can walk).

Come Friday, I recognised how close I was to falling completely apart and resigned myself to speaking to a member of the mental health team... And that conversation was a nightmare... Could barely string a sentence together... For someone who would like to think he is pretty articulate, I felt like a first grader. Was referred on to the crisis team who saw me within the hour... To my shame, my ability to communicate had not much improved and I ended up having a meltdown which involved a broken door and both hands with split nuckles (don't get me wrong, I have not struck a soul in over 15 years and that was self defence... But inanimate objects are fair game)... Wife handles these meltdowns pretty well, grabbed me and instructed a number of grounding techniques before pulling me back to talk to the crisis nurse.

Pretty sure I narrowly avoided a hospital trip there and then (which would have been horrendous) much to the credit of the wife, who was able to explain things in a much clearer way. As such she was able to wrangle it so that I'd be admitted to a 'more therapeutic' environment:

Mental health funding in the uk has been badly cut in recent years and as such the local authorities have been trying to bridge the gap by outsourcing to charitable organisations... One of those is called the Richmond fellowship (had never heard of them till this year till out of hours crisis calls for service users was cut away from the nhs to them... Was/is a big gripe for many since their phone service is pretty much identical to the Samaritans; a massive step down from professional guidance from registered nurses who in turn would feed on details from such calls to relevant departments dealing with your care... Something the fellowship are unable to do).

On the plus side however, they run 'crisis houses' which are a short stay alternative to hospitals, predominantly for those who a hospital stay would deteriorate their mental state further.

Well it's my first night tonight... I'll admit, I don't handle new situations very well and I did have another meltdown earlier this evening but after speaking to the team here, the crisis team... And a rather heated conversation with the wife over the phone (it ended amicably), I relented to trying to have an open mind and ride it out till at least tomorrow rather than walking out.