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Originally Posted by snickie
I don't know too much about my emotional side and I try not to delve too deeply into it. When I do I usually end up in some state between self-loathing and completely apathetic (which is different but closely related to neutral) and I call this my existential crisis mode. That being said, I try not to harbor or express a lot of feelings more than amusement (includes joking and sarcasm) (full-on happiness is kind of a myth to me), mild irritation ("well that pisses me off"), and general neutrality.
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Interesting. I'm more in touch with anger related emotions but I'm pretty neutral otherwise, a bit like you, the happiness thingie I don't focus on much either, not because it's a myth, I just don't see it as the end goal to just feel happiness and nothing else.
Do you know why you have the existential crisis thing?
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When I'm beyond agitated, I tend to tense up and become more snappish because I just want people to leave me alone and they won't. I sometimes want to throw things but:
1) I know I'll be reprimanded if I do, and that's enough to drive me into existential crisis mode which makes me feel much worse.
2) the tension is still there after I throw the thing (unless the thing is my phone and it happens to turn off the alarm when I throw it) and I feel stupid for having punched/thrown/slammed the thing and now it's all the way over there and I have to get it and I don't want to go over there. And then it ends up being broken or whatever and it's my fault and that's just annoying.
When I'm really angry, I cry and then I'm even more angry at myself for crying which in turn leads to more crying. Crying is annoying.
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We work differently
2) would make me feel satisfied, lol, and I don't throw things that I would regret throwing afterwards (because say, I would have to pay a lot to replace it if it breaks). Btw I think it's ok for you to cry, an emotion is just an emotion, don't judge yourself for it. You're better off figuring out what causes it once you're aware of it.
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Expression is annoying because then people react to your expression and then you have to react to their reactions and interacting with people is annoying (most of the time). I just had an interaction with my roommate about her duties in cleaning the bathroom. It's our turn. I did the trash can and the shower drain. She needs to do some part of it. She doesn't think she should have to and plans to start using the community bathroom (on the other side of the building and/or up a flight or two of stairs) all the time instead so that she doesn't hold responsibility for dirtying up the bathroom and therefore no obligation to clean it. I'm very agitated right now, but I can handle this level of agitation.
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Well tell her you are going to lock the bathroom, lol. (And do actually lock it up! Keeping the key to yourself)
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I realize probably none of this is helpful at all. XD
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Eh no worries
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Other than perhaps I agree with your question. What is the point of emotional awareness techniques? When I think about emotions I usually end up manually dredging up thoughts and experiences instead of letting them flow naturally and that almost inevitably leads into existential crisis mode. When I journal I usually have a few topics I want to talk about and then I let myself get sidetracked by some tangentially related anecdote and then I get upset at myself for sidetracking, especially if it's a lengthy sidetrack, and this is usually reflected in my writing. I'm lucky I've managed to stay on topic for this long. (Or have I?)
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Well my question wasn't just rhetorical. I'm thinking if I can identify the source of stuff then I can discover more psychological mechanisms of myself based on unconscious thoughts. And I like the idea of making unconscious thoughts conscious because then you can control them, change them if needed, etc. It doesn't mean I want to entirely change myself, just some thoughts if they need updating.
This is of course all with the assumption that there are such thoughts that I'm not yet aware of.
But I do agree with seeing no point in amplifying emotions for the sake of amplifying and no more.
And lol no you didn't always stay on topic hahah