Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
It's complicated. I developed strong feelings for her. I said so. She did not share those feelings. I experienced that as the most painful rejection of my life. She decided we should stop and I should see another T. But termination felt like more rejection plus abandonment. There was intense attachment and even dependence. I reached out repeatedly in attempt to restore the attachment bond. She refused then cut off all contact. This left me in total despair. Was maybe a replay of early childhood trauma or distress.
|
Hm well... I'm not a therapist or anything like that so sorry if I'm off with my thoughts here but I think this is a chance for you to figure out why this was so bad for you. I guess I don't know the answer myself, though.
Quote:
|
Yes I agree. What I meant though was the experience in therapy was itself extremely painful and even traumatic. It was not just an awakening of old wounds or deficits. Many of the subsequent Ts that I tried wanted to bypass this and go into old patterns, instead of working thru the therapy trauma. From my experience there is much denial in the therapy biz about this. I also came up against defensiveness and even some outright hostility.
|
Yeah I agree you should work through this too and you should have help with it :|
Quote:
|
So do you tend to be detached and avoidant? Are you saying this tendency got exposed in therapy and the coping mechanism broke down? What do you think is the origin of this?
|
Yeah I'm detached, unable to connect, and I score dismissive-avoidant in attachment style tests. No it was not in therapy, I met some guy with who I somehow felt connected for a short time. That was the immediate result of something getting stirred up in my mind, something that felt like I'd long forgotten it. And yes, the coping mechanism broke down because now I'm not as comfortable with being detached and avoidant all the time. Though it still feels OK for the most part but not always.
Quote:
|
Yea that would seem logical. I fear others rejecting me. Thats why the therapy rejection was so gutting. I was powerless to prevent it because of the attachment and dependence.
|
Yeah, I try to avoid getting attached and I avoid dependence even more. I have a friend who I can feel connected with sometimes and that's new actually, I was too detached before to feel anything like that, but I would not want to feel dependent at all even with her.
I hope you can solve your issues! I don't have any conclusion on how well betterhelp works yet btw, I'm still in the process of negotiating to get a counselor for myself who fits my needs.