Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleBird42
Hi there,
I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years now. Together we have uncovered that since I was traumatised at age 8-13, involving my 'absent mother', I have buried the incident and have since had a number of dissociative events in my life; in which I feel completely lost and abandoned, as though I am a child again. Now in my 40s, it is disrupting my life much more, and I find in the mornings that during the evening I have done odd things like 'hidden my phone' or had lengthy online discussions that I have no recollection of. I also tend to take much more medication than I actually document; again no recollection.
But today, the weirdest thing of all, was when during a session with my psych; I actually felt myself 'shape-shifting'; that is taking on the shape of my mother, and feeling like I had turned into her, which was particularly horrifying for me. I was evening answering questions like her. It's horrifying for me, because I am now a mother myself.
I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare; she is the last person that I want to be.
Anyway, I became grounded after that -but to me this was different from 'being absent'; I actually felt that I had turned into the person who had abandoned me a s a child. Has anyone else felt physically different as in they took on a different age/shape all together? I felt like a stranger in my body. That one is new to me.
LB
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here in my location feeling like one self is shape shifting into other people, plants, animals and inanimate objects is called tactile hallucinations, delusional thoughts, .....psychosis.... and sometimes a medication side effect for some people. the reason its called this in my location is that human beings can not in reality shape shift into other people and objects they may .....feel.... that way but reality wise no two people are identical and no one can literally become another.
that said in life normally people do act and behave, carry their self, project their self differently depending upon the situation and who they are with...
for example when I am with my children my posture, words I use and behavior is that of a parent playing, caring for children. when I am at church my posture, words I use, behaviors are that which is acceptable in a church setting and interacting with fellow worshipers. when I am at work my posture, words I use, behaviors reflect the professional standards of my job...
before my alters were integrated (I had DID ) sometimes I would switch into an alter state of mind but physically my body did not shape shift or morph into a childs body. physically I was an adult so there was no way an adult human body can shapeshift into a childs body. but the words I used was that of that alter, the mannerisms/behaviors were of that alter, the things I talked about with my therapist was what was contained with in that alters memories, thoughts...
the same when I switched into my introject type alters, introjects are alters that take on the role of those that had abused me... physically my body did not shape shift or morph into being that of my abusers. it was my words that I used, the behaviors \acting out, and natural posturing of the abusers....example one abuser would always put their hand on their hip and point a lot so when I was that altered state of mind my hand went on my hip and I pointed a lot.
my treatment providers told me this behavior was normal for people with DID and has been happening all my life, a person doesnt become DID upon diagnosis or seeing a treatment provider. nothing changes after getting a diagnosis or starting or being in therapy that hasnt already been happening all my life. when I discovered this problem I went to my family home where I grew up and searched through all the photos and discovered my treatment providers were right, there i was in many childhood photos with my hand upon my hip and pointing at something off camera .
after that it didnt worry me so much because it was happening all my life. not something sudden like a medication problem or psychosis, hallucinations.