i saw T today. he said i have regressed into old patterns of anxiety and fear. he asked what caused it and i had to say i dont know because i really dont. im sure there is an underlying cause but i cant figure it out yet. i want to get out of this mind state and just be an adult and do things i dont want to do. there are tons of things piling up on me, little things like calling business and getting a doctor. honestly phone calls give me tons of anxiety even before this. so with the added anxiety it just seems insurmountable. after i left T i called the dr i had been looking at to make an appointment. the lady said they arent accepting new patients. i am pretty bummed about that because it took a lot to make that call. now i have to find another doctor and call them. at the end of the session T asked me if i thought maybe i am subconciously sabotaging myself so i dont lose my disability. i said what do you mean, by being sick? he said yeah. i felt a little offended by that. i didnt create this to get out of something and i am not trying to scam people. honestly in my mind i dont feel like i deserve disability. i told him that. he said well i think you need it. i understand he was just asking me a question but that kinda bothered me.