Today I told my mom that I have felt off the last couple days. I told her that today I feel like I'm driving around in another dimension or at least in another decade and that I am afraid to go home for an unexplained reason. About a half an hour later, my sister called and asked how I am doing. I just wanted to give her the standard "fine" answer but I could tell from her voice that she had spoken to my mom so I told her that I had been off the last couple of days.
This was the conversation that followed:
Her: Do you feel depressed?
Me: No
Her: Manic?
Me: I just feel very off; I don't know how best to explain it. I hope I just have PMS but I have no idea.
Her: *Bursts into laughter* You're about to start your period.
Me: What?
Her: I have it marked on my calendar.
Me: *Silence*
Her: Are you mad? Because you seem mad.
Me: No
Her: I started keeping track of it so I would know, if you started acting strange, if it was because of your period or something else going on.
Is it just me, or does that cross a line? I feel violated in some way. How did she even know when my period was? It's not like I advertise it. Did I mention it in crossing once and she just started keeping track? I have no idea.
Then, a little after that, my mom called me and, after talking a few minutes she told me I needed to go home, take a PRN, and call my doctor. I feel blindsighted, confused, angry, and completely unsettled today. I don't know what is wrong.
__________________
*****
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
Tori Amos ~ Crucify
Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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