Quote:
Originally Posted by Tea Biscuit
I spent the better part of yesterday doing a huge clothing purge. I'd been holding on to clothes I was never going to get into again, for so long. So many different sizes of clothes and so many things I don't even like. I must of had 45 pairs of aspirational sized underwear alone.....ridiculous!
All kidding aside, it was very emotional, and I had a good cry last night. I was never one to have much emotional attachment to things. But now that I'm older and I've suffered so much loss and so much upheaval and unwanted change, well it's harder to let 'things' go. It feels like I'm getting rid of loved ones who have passed. Also, letting go of hopes and dreams I had for myself when I was younger, that I now know due to MI won't be realized. A lot of good memories with clothing, some bad memories too.
I'm okay, and it was good for me to get rid of things that really are just 'stuff' . But good for me in a way that going to the dentist is good for me. Purging clutter used to be fun and I felt energized by it. Now it just leaves me a bit sad. I'm glad that's it's done, and I feel proud of myself for finally tackling the closet clutter. But the space left behind doesn't bring me the thrill it once did, just relief, I think.
It's important to clear this crap out though. It's been so difficult to keep my apartment clean and tidy because there is just too much stuff. It gets in the way of vacuuming and when I want to put something away in its proper home, I can't, because its proper home is chocked full of junk that doesn't belong there. I find the mess and clutter very stressful and draining. So, I'm hoping as I de - clutter, everyday life at home will feel easier.
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This post hit me like a ton of bricks. So much so that I couldn't reply to it until today. I was always planning to reply....but I'm choosing to do so NOW because it helps me to continue to procrastinate working on a work project that's boring me to tears.
I gained 50-60 pounds in the past 6 years. I've gone from a size 4-6 to a size 14. I went from proportionate boobs to what appears to be 2 cantaloupes inside all my shirts. I hate it. But I can't and won't get rid of my smaller clothing. I simply am not ready to concede that I won't ever be able to fit in to my beautiful smaller clothes again. I eat a marginally (at best) nutritious diet and don't have the focus nor motivation to exercise one whit....so these pounds are not going anywhere anytime soon. But, I am still holding out hope.
You cried because you purged your clothes. I cry when I open my closet and see the rows of things that I can't fit in now. If I got rid of them....I think I'd have a breakdown. Getting rid of them is too big a "signal" that I'm simply not prepared to face at this time (if that makes sense).
I've always been one to attach sentiment to inanimate things. I'm so thankful it's not to the extent that it's made me a "hoarder"...though some might say my holding on to my smaller clothes is "hoarding". This part of what you wrote struck me deeply:
...now that I'm older and I've suffered so much loss and so much upheaval and unwanted change, well it's harder to let 'things' go. It feels like I'm getting rid of loved ones who have passed. Also, letting go of hopes and dreams I had for myself when I was younger, that I now know due to MI won't be realized.
Amen, sister.
I think you were incredibly, incredibly brave.