Dear Anna,
making up your mind about your goals, taking responsiblity, and other "adult" things is simply not possible right now, because you are clearly in a bad crisis. You said right, it takes time and patience. But in the meantime you must get all the help possible. The pills are OK, take them and sooner or later they will kick in (and future crisis will be less severe, as it is happening to me).
How to sepnd time? Well, first you may come here every evening and resume the day. We know the crap you are crawling through and will never get bored.
Second, did you ever read books about depression? I suppose you did, if not go on amazon.co.uk and get some. I may suggest the best I have read so far: "Undoing depression", by Richard O'Connor. Not only it tells wise things, but it also has a reasonable, soothing style.

Don't worry about the meaning of your life now, now you are suffering acutely. Just resist the pain.

Let us know

The best of luck!