You know the secret feels good sometimes...but the secret can be just as destructive as the good feelings it brings. Have you spoke with your pdoc or your T about this....maybe they can help you find some direction...or at least take a step back and look at things in a realistic manner...(that is what my T is working on with me right now)...Just try to keep a routine you know that works better than anything...the blue skies will come when you least expect them out of the black hole that swirls about us all...Remember we are always here for you.