2190 days. 72 months. Six years.

I've been single for six years. Over half a decade. No dates. No relationships. No interest. Is it me?

I suffer from depression, and been on medication for about 8 years. It used to be bad. Real bad. So much so that my then girlfriend made an ultimatum. Get help or lose her. I got help. I still lost her.

I've made a lot of progress. I've bought my own flat. I've got a good job in London. But I struggle to connect with people. I'm not close with family. Most of my friends have forgotten about me as they have kids or family. Any girl I like, or show an interest in, isn't interested.

Ive really tried to be a positive person. Ive been trying to complete my bucket list, help other people, be supportive and develop my career and education.

Ive made great progress in moving my life forward, despite being constantly tired all the time. I sleep about 10 hours a night. I sleep most weekends, almost all day.

And yet, although I know I don't need someone else to be happy, I do. No matter what, I'm always alone. And I don't know what to do. It drags me down. Down into the dark. I've spent countless hours looking into a mirror, wondering what's wrong with me. Is there something that I can't see? Do I have an illness?

I've recently thought about ending it again. Nothing serious - just flashes in my head, like I used to get. Temptations while standing on a train platform. Accidentally hurting myself while cooking. But I've learned over the years to stop myself.

It's been a hard year. My sister was diagnosed with kidney failure. My dad had a heart op. My 18 year old cat is now really unwell and could be kidney related too.

I want to change. I want to be happy. But nothing ever changes. Even when I have positive weeks and months, nothing changes.

What do I do. It's cliche but my heart and chest weigh heavy. I don't want to die alone. I wanted to have kids and a family by 30, but that's not going to happen now.

"They say that when you talk to God, it's a prayer... but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia" (X-Files)