I took a self esteem test and got the score for the lowest esteem you can have. I hate my situation that I am in. I am lonely and feel controlled by everyone. I have a low paying job and am stuck with relatives. My kids hate me and have no respect for me whatsoever! I don't have many friends and the ones I do have have no time for me and treat me like crap. My ex husband treated me like crap. I can't date anyone because I have nothing to say to anyone and can't date because I am stuck in a trap. I have no freedom. I live different lives and have different personalities to please every person and aspect of my life.

I do have men that I chat with online and occasionally meet. I just want to be free like everyone else. I want to just be in the peace and quiet, make whatever food I want. And not have evil eyes staring at me day in and day out. I want a job where I can do what I want, when I want. No hawks watching. I would like some normal friends and some men to date. But I can't date and dont' know how to date. Dating scares me. I would rather sleep with a guy I barely know nothing about, then go on a date to dinner with someone I know better.

I have even thought about making money online doing web cam.

But in person I am extremely shy and no one would ever guess that about me. But I have extreme anger, fits of rage, and then in public I am the calmest person ever. lIttle do they know....

I wonder what personality disorder I have?