I think that's part of the problem, almeda. We didn't discuss it early on - so it wasn't concrete and seemed to be both. Now it is more defined.

Not sure if my relationship with this pdoc will continue though. He called today upset about an email I sent him - he keeps feeling attacked. I was expressing how frustrated I get at appointments because I worry about the time and getting everything covered - that it sometimes feels like a fight with him to stay focused - a power struggle.

My interpretation of what he said today is that he gave me an hour and I got what I wanted (meds & a letter) so everything worked out - implying that I was not appreciative of him. Well, he went over - the appointment is supposed to be 30 minutes. And he was late because he went over with the previous person. Though I didn't bring it up, it was during work hours for me so I had to work longer to make up for it. Then I get nervous because I know there's another client behind me (they were late or cancelled so this time it wasn't so bad, but he was still late for the next person). So he's saying that I should probably go somewhere else because this is the way he works and I'm having a problem with it. Then by the end of the conversation he's saying that maybe I'm right about what I wrote and others are too shy to say anything and perhaps he needs to work on how he runs things. He apologized, I think he was apologizing - sounded like it, for his hurt ego.

So I guess, I get to think about why I'm staying with him or if I should move on. We keep having so much conflict. I think part of it is that I'm not being kind in my language when I write - that I'm too mean.

Even if what I write is true - and sometimes it's just me expressing my emotions or opinions - I could be kinder in my expression. It won't serve me well in relationships to communicate in such an unkind fashion. It is not very charitable, nor does it help the other person to listen to me. All it does is create conflict. Conflict is not communication.