Thanks for asking. I tried out 9 or 10 different Ts since (from 1x to 4x) and consulted with two therapists on the phone who specialize ruptures and impasses. About half were male. In some ways yes more comfortable with male. Though I find male Ts have more walls up emotionally.

I don't want to sound overly negative, but most of them had nothing helpful to say, a few said things that were damaging. A few were able to validate without judgement but did not offer many or any compelling insights. There are 1 or 2 that I would consider trying more, but honestly I am not clear anymore how a T would help. I ask them but I never get an answer I can understand.

The majority of insight and clarity has come from books, blogs, forums, and self-analysis.

If I could find someone insightful and that I enjoyed talking to, and who wasn't charging outrageous fees, I would go. But the needle in a haystack search has worn me down. For now I have given up. I plan to contact ex T again. I think by stopping she short circuited expression of grief and rage. I do not trust her, but if she could just bear witness to the grief/rage for a handful of sessions it might be healing, for both of us, if we both had the courage. Or it could be destructive. Dunno.