Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger8
Interesting. I'm more in touch with anger related emotions but I'm pretty neutral otherwise, a bit like you, the happiness thingie I don't focus on much either, not because it's a myth, I just don't see it as the end goal to just feel happiness and nothing else.
Do you know why you have the existential crisis thing?
|
I'm sure it has something to do with the heaping expectations my parents have on me, get straight As, get a degree or twenty, get a lucrative job doing something I like, have enough funds saved up for a rainy day, marry well, be a generally perfect daughter, etc. Oh, and produce grandchildren (not really).
I'm going to put the next part in trigger tags because it is long and kind of sort of unrelated.
Possible trigger:
Thing is, right now I'm a music performance major and that's a really competitive field (aaaaaa child prodigies!). I'm the second best clarinetist in my class and so I should be further up in the overall ranks, right? Not to mention the stuff I'm reading about in Music History (Antiquity era) kind of shuns instrumentalists and that's kind of demoralizing yet laughable.
Anyway, so I'm also doing math, which I was good at in high school (took AP Calculus, got a 5 on the exam) but the jobs available for people with math skills aren't really that interesting to me, especially since I'm more interested in theoretical mathematics than applied. My parents like this path because it's lucrative and there are always job openings because lots of people hate doing math.
Thing is, as long as I can remember I wanted to do something in medicine. I loved biology and probably would've loved chemistry and I watched Discovery Health Channel more often than cartoons in elementary school. But neither of my majors really prepares me for med school and plus I don't like seeing what people are going through in regards to insurances and government and all that stuff. My mom likes the idea of me being a doctor. But all the extra schooling and classes it would take just so I could even take the MCAT are expensive and I feel pressured and guilted about it and I might as well give up the idea and continue into this math/music hybrid thing to which I have chained myself.
It's not like I even know which one is the one I want to be doing for my whole life. I also have this mindset that each career path is mutually exclusive (which I know to be false, and I've somewhat overcome this by double majoring now in math and music). My interests shift but these and drawing are the only ones that have remained constant. (Drawing's not even an option for me, btw.)
So existential crises form from that and tend to go along the lines of "what the bleepity bleep am I doing with my life, I'm just wasting it, everything is meaningless, emotions are meaningless, life is meaningless" and a whole bunch of related journaling which usually ends after an hour or so.
There's also, I get really annoyed with having relatives over and inevitably I'll snap or say something inherently rude to them. Then my mom reprimands me and then I start hating myself because I fail at even pretending to be a decent human being and caring and stuff. That puts me into contract-writing mode, which usually coincides with existential crisis mode.
Also, you're right. Happiness isn't really a myth; it's just so fleeting and temporary in its purest form that I don't see a need to spend so much energy pursuing it. I mean, I enjoy watching Netflix but it doesn't necessarily make me happy. I enjoy doing random research on interstate highways but it doesn't make me happy. I'm no happier now that I know what a turbine interchange is. Having interests and likes usually only serves a lower tier of happiness, the one that houses namely gratification and amusement. And that's where I live because it's close to neutral.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger8
We work differently  2) would make me feel satisfied, lol, and I don't throw things that I would regret throwing afterwards (because say, I would have to pay a lot to replace it if it breaks). Btw I think it's ok for you to cry, an emotion is just an emotion, don't judge yourself for it. You're better off figuring out what causes it once you're aware of it. |
Crying just happens when I express high levels of anger/frustration. Liquid rage is a term I once heard used to describe it. I don't like crying when I'm that angry because it makes me appear overly emotional and then people start condescending/patronizing me or treating me like this fragile piece of china, and it seems like they're not taking me seriously. Also, crying while angry looks a lot like a tantrum.
Story time:
I'm fine about crying when it's for sadness. That's fine. But I hope you can understand my aversion to crying when angry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger8
Well tell her you are going to lock the bathroom, lol. (And do actually lock it up! Keeping the key to yourself)
|
Lol. That might work if we had keys for the bathroom doors. (The doors have deadbolts, but from the outside they can be turned using a quarter if someone forgot to unlock it after showering or something.) Locking her out of the bathroom means taking her room keys and making sure the suitemates never let her in either. Also I have two roommates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger8
Well my question wasn't just rhetorical. I'm thinking if I can identify the source of stuff then I can discover more psychological mechanisms of myself based on unconscious thoughts. And I like the idea of making unconscious thoughts conscious because then you can control them, change them if needed, etc. It doesn't mean I want to entirely change myself, just some thoughts if they need updating.
This is of course all with the assumption that there are such thoughts that I'm not yet aware of.
|
This is why I keep a dream journal. Then I can spend plenty of waking hours obsessing over what my subconscious might want to tell me through my dreams.
But then sometimes a box of necklaces given to me by my ex-boyfriend is just a box of necklaces given to me by my ex-boyfriend, and open heart surgery is just open heart surgery. It would probably help too if I kept a journal of my daily conscious thoughts so I could compare them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger8
But I do agree with seeing no point in amplifying emotions for the sake of amplifying and no more.
And lol no you didn't always stay on topic hahah
|
DAG NABBIT I'VE HIJACKED ANOTHER TOPIC. Sorry, guys.
