Comethisfar, thanks for your answer. but i do feel calm and at peace right because i have a plan. it makes me feel at peace with myself and able to focus on others.

Shawkat, thank you too for your concern, but i swear having a plan is what i need to feel good. i dont think trying to fix my problems would be selfish but useless, so why wasting time and energies on me when i can use them to help others?

WibblyWobbly, my friend is in a worse place than i am. she was actually stopped from committing suicide, or so she implied, when we finally did talk a bit on yesterday. her talking a bit to me about her feelings and issues helped me feeling less worried about her because now i know whats happening to her and i know she has a good support system, docs and meds and she asks for help before its too late. even though you never really know... she said talking to me helped her a bit too, so i guess its all about respecting her times.


---- MAY TRIGGER????----
sorry i dont know how to hide the next paragraph so that nobody can read it unless they choose to. i realized maybe it could be triggering, sorry.


my plan would allow me to do it and conceal it was intentional. i wont drag down anyone with me.... i dont want to hurt anyone...