I am in my second marriage, five years, and my previous marriage was 26 years. Both husbands have shown a propensity for loud, nasty displays of anger. I can't handle it. I shut down. It scares me. I desperately try to diffuse it, and when I can't, I just freeze up and take it.

Last night a neighbor came over to complain about our dog. His barking was bothering her. My husband was watching a baseball game. After a couple of minutes of listening to her, he lit into her, yelling and cussing. I was shocked, and I tried to apologize to her and asked her to leave because things we're spinning out of control, but she just stood there ignoring me, arguing with my husband. I pleaded with them to stop and went into another room and shut the door. He kept yelling, telling her that I had mental issues and that complaining about our dog was going to stress me out. I came back out and told them both that their fighting was upsetting me, but he kept going, yelling that I was bipolar. I was shocked and hurt. I'm sure everybody on our street heard him. Again, I told them to stop, that I couldn't handle this, and the woman told me to go back into my bedroom! That was it. I told her to leave, again, that she was just throwing gasoline on my husbands anger, and I pushed her towards the door, apologizing as I shut it. I went into the bedroom, and sat on the bed in shock. My husband stood in the doorway and yelled at me for not backing him up. He turned around and continued ranting loudly about how angry he was for a while longer. I just wanted to die, I was so miserable, hurt and upset. I layed on the bed for a couple of hours, jumping inside every time I heard his chair or the floor creak in front of the door.

I am 53 years old. I don't have a job, have no money of my own and no place to go. I can't ask my children to help me. When I feel this hopeless, suicide seems like my only option.