Hello Aurora... Yes, I know what you're feeling. I'm now in my 60's & I can't recall a time when I wasn't depressed. And, in addition, my anxiety levels have always been off the charts. Perhaps you struggle with this too? My mental health challenges have lead me, over the years, into several suicide attempts... some serious... some sort-of laughable in retrospect.

My multiple problems began so early in life that it's simply not possible to know what caused what. It's all simply a tangled ball of wire that will never be unraveled. It all just is what it is. What I have finally come to is simply learning to live in the present moment & to try as much as possible to simply allow the difficult thoughts & emotions to come & go of their own volition without becoming hooked. One thing I have learned is that there is no sadness, no depression, no regret in the present moment. There is only the present moment.

In addition, I've had to come to accept that I am simply who I am... not who I wanted to be. It's difficult because, somehow, I ended up being a person I would not want to have anything to do with if I were someone else. But that's just the way it is.

I know from my own experience how difficult it is to keep going when all you've ever known is depression. And I can tell you that it gets even more difficult as you age. At least this has been my experience. So I would like to encourage you to keep searching for something that will help. I send you warm wishes to buoy you in your efforts.