Hello all. I'm still rather new here but did come here as a first step of sorts. Please forgive the wall of text coming but I want to try and give the full pucture or at least what I can.

Some backround - I've been with a wonderful woman for almost 13 years, married for 3 of them and we have a 6 yr old son. We have always had our issues but seemed to have been able to work through them. About 9 months ago we had a pretty big falling out where she moved out for about a month. The reason for this was because mostly due to me. I have alot of mental health issues. I've been in and out of treatment type settings since I was very young trying to deal with them. When her and I met she was aware of these issues for the most part. As time went on I have tried to explain to her what I have and how it effects me in ways.

I'm not a very social person as I've been hurt alot in my life so in turn I don't tend to go out often or meet people. This caused strain on us because she couldn't understand how intense it became when I did go out. I have tried doing it even tho it sucks but to try and make her happy. With all the moving I did growing up my school records got messed up and I never received my HS diploma. I've told her over the years that I would try to get my GED to try and better our life but everytime I try I fail miserably at it. I'm not one to give up easily but I do know when I need to step away for a bit and I've tried to explain this to her. I've had alot of anger issues growing up and for the most part can keep them in check but I used to get angry and I would say some pretty hurtful things to her. Afterhand I always regretted it and always let her know, of course saying sorry can only work so many times.

This for the most part leads up to where things are now. Over the years it has been a huge strain to her the way I am. I have tried treatments options and in the end they don't tend to work very well. Her mother passed away alittle over 2 years ago and at that point I noticed she became very closed off to me. I understood this as she was hurting. The problem is she never opened back up and this then became an issue for me. One thing I've always been is someone who needs openness. If there is a problem I need to know. Well with a combo of things stated above it has led into us separating. It is driving me insane. With the problems we have had I have always still loved her and been there for her. My moods have been nothing but erratic and my meds that I am currently on do not seem to be helping any. I try talking to her but I just get down right rude and mean in a sense. Now it's not anger that I feel it's complete sadness but it comes out in anger.

What my issue/question is, is how can I try and cope with this. I lost my family at a young age and have actually known my wife longer then I even knew them. I know part of it is I'm attached but I do also very much love her and can't stand the idea of my family being ripped apart. I try not to be mean or rude when we talk but it just comes out and then I regret it afterhand. She is still not 100% as to what she wants to do regarding us but with me being a jerk it def does not help. I have no friends to talk to nor family so I'm doing this alone. Any advise or help would be greatly accepted.